Watching AVPM and AVPS
by Harri.Potter
Summary: The golden trio, order of the phoenix, D.A, Draco, Fred/George all watch a very potter musical and a very potter sequel. humorific! Harry/Ginny Draco/Luna fred/George Sirius/Severus Ron/Hermione Yay! On Hold for lack of ideas.
1. AVPM At 1 scene 1 'Totally awesome'

Harry was working on his potions essay (gritting his teeth, snape that basterd), when suddenly a bright flash of gold light appeared from nowhere. Suddenly, he found himself in a living room, along with the order of the phoenix, and Dumbledore's army, along with Draco Malfoy, Fred and George weasley.

"Harry!" Harry looked around to see Sirius standing there with his arms outstretched. Harry ran to him and let himself be engulfed by his godfather.

"Why are we here, Hermione?" Bill asked.

"I have a note here..." She picked up a scrunched piece of parchment up and read aloud.

_Hiya! This is a note from the year 2011. We found two rather amusing videos on a muggle computer sight, and we thought you might enjoy watching it! So here you are!Don't worry, the musical pauses when someone , you can't leave and no-one will notice your gone._

_TRL & JSP& ASP& SDM_

The writing cleared from the screen and the group could now see a teenager, with curly black hair and circular glasses sitting on a trunk in the middle of the stage. (_A/N: Sorry if its not accurate but its pretty much there!) _

**HARRY: (Sings while sat on trunk in middle of stage, after crossing and uncrossing arms as if cold) Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt. **

"What do you mean underneath the stairs Harry?" Sirius demanded.

"Later," Harry said.

**Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want. **

Draco snorted and everyone looked at him, and then snickered. Harry muttered "I meant love, dumb asses." Only Sirius and Remus heard, and they raised their eyebrows.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursley's here on, Privet Drive. Can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my troubles, I'm still alive. **

"Whoah, Whoah, Whoah! Over dramatic much!" Remus mocked, chuckling.

"Give him a break, kid loves his drama!" Kingsly said and they both snickered.

**(Tune speeds up) I'm sick of summer and this waiting around, man its September and I'm skipping this town, hey its no mystery there's nothing here for me now... (stands up and sings with more passion) I got to get back to Hogwarts. I got to get back schoool, I got to get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm coooool.**

"Yeah right, Potter!" Both Severus and Draco said, and then blinked at each other, while everyone else laughed.

**(*Counts on hand*)Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to Goblin and ghosts and some magical feasts (Rubs stomach, as if starving). Its all that I love and its all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think Im going back. **

Harry smiled, he loved Hogwarts it was his home, _not_ Privet drive.

**(Turns suitcase to where it's horizontal and sits on it) I'll see my friends going to laugh 'till we cry, (Pretends to grab a broom and watch it fly) take my Firebolt gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die, **

"Optimistic Harry?" Tonks said, grinning at him.

"We think that-"

"That's the most optimistic thing Harry's ever said!" Gorge finished, both laughing.

**and its gonna be totally awesome! **

Harry groaned at the catch phrase, while everyone else laughed, even Severus's mouth twitched slightly.

**(Waving wand) I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand, defeat the Dark Arts yeah bring it on!**

"I don't think like that!" Harry huffed while Ron patted him on the back, a smirk on his face.

**and do it all with my best friend Ron,**

Ron looked up, squeaking, "That's me!"

"Nah!" Fred said "We thought-

"It was Dumbledore!" George chuckled. Dumbledore looked at them and said "I _hope_ I'm not mister Potter's best friend!" Which got everyone laughing again.

**'cause together we're totally awesome!**

"I have a feeling we will hear that again!" Harry groaned.

Draco smirked "Oh come on Potter S'not that bad, really!" everyone looked at him, he shrugged. "You could have been played by a _girl_!" Draco sighed, he saw the preview for this while everyone looked at him again. "I saw the preview, just watch it!" he snapped.

**RON: (Enters stage door and sings) Yeah we're so cool and we're totally Awesome!(Talking now) Did someone say Ron Weasley? WOO!**

"Is that supposed to be me!" Ron squeaked. While Hermione said "I don't know, he's kinda cute."

Everyone gapped at her "What!"

"Nothing!" they all said, snickering.

**HARRY: Hey! (Hugs ron passionately)**

"I'm sorry, but I can't imagine either of you hugging like that," Sirius said.

"Yeah, us neither." Harry said, his cheeks red.

**RON: Sorry I couldn't get here earlier I had to go get some uh, floo powder. So come on grab your trunk, lets go.**

**HARRY: Why? Where're we going?**

**RON: To Diagon Alley of course!**

**HARRY: Cool!**

**RON: Come on! (Starts going around in circles flapping arms saying while lights flicker on and off, different colors) **

**RON+HARRY: Floo powder power, Floo powder power, Floo powder power, Floo powder power, Floo powder power, Floo powder power**!"

"O my-"

"Godric!" Fred and George were rolling, Remus was wiping his eyes, Sirius sank to the floor, Tonks was snorting, her nose changing every five seconds, and the rest were just laughing.

"It's not funny!" Ron and Harry yelled.

**RON: (Stands next to Harry and sings) It's been so long, but we're going back, Don't go for work don't go there for class.**

"Excuse me I hope you go for class! How are you going to make it in life!" Severus snarled, everyone looked at him and he paled. "I- I mean.. Look!" He pointed at the screen, diverting everyone but sirius's attention from him, Sirus winked and he flushed, looking down.

**HARRY: As long as we're together-**

**RON: -Gonna kick some ass **

"_LANGUAGE!_" All the adults screamed, looking at ron.

"It's not me!" Ron said, paling.

**RON+HARRY: And its gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm.**

"Oh really?" Hermione said.

"You can't talk Hermione, remember 1st year? How 'bout 3rd, 4th, and this year- I mean…. HI!" Harry said.

Everyone chuckled.

"Harry, we know about you guys sneaking out harry!" Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eye.

**HERMIONE: (Enters from behind the boys) Well lets not forget that we need to perform well in class, if we want to pass our OWLs!**

**RON: God Hermione! Why do you have to be such a buzzkill!**

"RONALD WEASLEY! APPOLOGISE! TO! HERMIONE!" Both and Ginny screamed, while every other girl glared.

"IT'S NOT US!"

**HERMIONE: (Talking) 'Cause Ron! Schools not all about having fun we have to study hard if we want to become good witches and wizards. (Harry: Oh)(Starts to sing) I may be frumpy but I'm super smart. **

"I AM NOT _FRUMPY!_" Hermione shrieked causing everyone to back away.

**Check out my grades, there 'A's for a start! **

"Wouldn't it be O's?" Mr. Weasley asked, confused. Several purebloods nodded.

"No, Muggle scale, A's the best." Hermione, Harry, And (Surprisingly) Luna said

**What I lack in looks well I make up in heart, and well guys yeah thats totally aweosme! **

"Am I ugly!" Hermione said, frantic.

"No!" Ron reassured her patting her on the back and giving her a awakward hug. "You're actually really pretty 'Mione."

Everyone looked at eachother "It's about time..." Harry mumbled.

**This year I plan, to study a lot...**

"What else would you do?" Harry, Draco, Sirius, Dumbledore, Severus, Tonks, Ron, , Ginny, Luna, Nevile, Remus, Fred/ George and kingsly all said.

**RON: Well that would be cool if you were actually hot!**

"OMYGODRIC!" Ron screamed before the girls ganged up on him. "This me is a jerk! I'm sorry 'Mione! I would never, NEVER, say that!"

"I know Ron." They smiled.

**HARRY: Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got,**

"You're/we're not my/her only friends!" everyone said, then laughed.

**RON: And thats cool,**

**HERMIONE: And thats totally awesome!**

"I'm beginning to hate that phrase!" Draco said and everyone agreed.

**RON+HERMIONE+HARRY: Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome!**

"Yeah, sure you are." Sirius and Severus teased, then blinked at each other, causing people to snort. (Cough-Draco, Harry, Hermione, Dumbledore, Remus, Ron- Cough)

**ALL: (enters the rest of cast and do dance behind) We're sick of summer and its waiting around, Its like we're sitting in the lost and found, don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see hoooow!**

**HARRY: I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

"WE GET IT!" Draco screamed, then blushed.

**ALL: We gotta get back to schooool! We got to get back to Hogwarts! Where everything is magicooool! **

**(All of cast joins in) Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. Its all that I love and its all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts I think we're going back. **

"That's the clip!" Ron said as a new one started.


	2. AVPM Act 1 scene 2 Goin back

_**WOWEE Readers! I didn't expect reviews so quickly! I'm touched, really! Updated quickly 'cause I have no life.**_

**(Cast exits except for Harry Ron and Hermione, and enter a girl in Gryffindor uniform but with bright yellow shoes and horrible ginger wig)**

**GINNY: (Speaking rather whiney) Ron!**

"Is that meant to be me!" Ginny yelled

**You were supposed to take me to Madame Malkins and use those sickles mum gave you for my robe fittings!**

"Yeah, I think it is. Sorry, Ginny."

**HARRY: Uhh, Who's this? (asks to Ron)**

"You don't know me/her?" everyone said. Harry shrugged.

"It could be second year, or a combination of all years, or half of them." Ron said thoughtfully, making people look at him. "What?"

**RON: Oh, This is stupid dumb little sister Ginny,**

"Thanks Ron!" Ginny teased.

**she's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry,Harry Potter this is Harry Potter.**

**GINNY: Ohh, your Harry Potter! Your the boy who lived!**

"I wasn't _that_ bad!" When no-one answered her she said "Was i?"

Draco nodded, and got a face full of pillow, much to most everyone's delight.

**HARRY: Yeah your Ginny.**

"He's a genius!" severus declared and blushed when everyone looked at him, then they all laughed.

**GINNY: Its Ginevra. (holds hand out for a hand shake but Harry ignores it putting his hands up in surrender)**

"I would _NOT_ say that! I hate that name! No offence mum, it's a wonderful name I just prefer Ginny!" She said that last part quickly when she saw her mom.

**HARRY: Cool, Ginny's fine.**

**RON: (Claps hands above Ginny's head, making her squeal) Stupid sister! Don't crowd the famous friend!**

"You try that and I'll castrate you!" Ginny threatened making Ron go pale and Hermione giggle.

**HERMIONE: (Japanese music begins to play) Hey do you guys hear music or something?**

**HARRY: Music, what are you talking about?**

**RON: Yeah, someone's coming(HARRY: Someone's coming?) (All look around)**

**CHO+POSSE: (Enter doing their little dance) Cho Chang, Domo Arigato, Cho Chang. Gung hey fat Choy Chang, Happy happy new year. Cho Chang!(Hits the ground, turns around and slaps ass)**

"OMYGOD!" Cho screamed burying her face in her hands. "At least they got a cute Asian girl to play me."

**GINNY: Who's that?**

**RON: Thats Cho Chang, the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

"WHAT!" everyone screamed, harry blushed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius teased.

**HERMIONE: Yeah but he won't say anything to her.**

"Rule 1: you never tell a girl you like her, it makes you look like an idiot!" Sirius declared and everyone rolled their eyes.

**RON: Yeah, well you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot!**

Sirius blinked. "You don't think he learnt that from me in this play, do you?" everyone shrugged.

**GINNY: (Walks over to the group of girls) Konichiwa Cho, Chang. It is good to meet you. My name is Ginny Weasley(Says it all very distinctly to lavender)**

"GINNY!" Cho shrieked causing all the teens to laugh and the adults to smile.

**LAVENDER: Bitch, I aint Cho Chang!**

"What?" Cho said, looking confused.

**RON: Thats Lavender Brown! (Claps hand over Ginnys head, making her squeal and clutch her head in pain again) Racist sister!**

And cue the laughter.

**CHO: (Dressed in ravenclaw outfit, super tall, in heels with flower in hair) (Talks like she feels pain for Ginny, like Ginny's a little kid and with a country accent) Hey Hey, its alright. I'm Cho Chang Ya'll.**

"That doesn't look anything like me!" Cho said.

"Well, maybe there making you out to be a player, then they would make you seem taller, prettier, sexier, and more country then anyone." Everyone looked at Ron again. "What!" He demanded.

"You've been spend-"

"-Ing to much time with Hermione!" Fred and George said, frowning at him.

**HARRY: She is totally perfect.**

"Aww, thanks Harry!" Cho said while Ginny glared. Sirius snorted at the look of fear on Harrys face, and how he looked from Cho to Ginny, before (Looking straight at Ginny) "It's not me! It's not me!"

**RON: Too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though Huh?**

**HARRY: What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? Who is that guy? What is he, who is he?**

Everyone giggled, remembering Cedric in a good way.

**CEDRIC: (Enter Cedric pushing Harry and Ron, Ginny, and Hermione to the floor, I mean out of the way) Oh Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bang-cock to Ding Dang! I sing my love aloud, for Cho Chang! (Exit while running after Cho and posse)**

"Pushy much?" Draco said laughing.

"I think he's sweet."

**HARRY: Man I hate that guy! I hate him!**

"Love you too Harry!" Everyone said.

**RON: So are we going to go get them robes or not! **

**GINNY: Yes alright! I'm coming!**

**RON: God sister! (Exit Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. Enter Neville from right and Crabbe and Goyle from left)**

**GOYLE: (Bumping into Neville) Present your arm nerd! (Neville puts arm out) Indian-burn hex! (ENTER TRIO AND GINNY)**

"He knows a spell!" Hermione shrieked, her voice filled with surprise.

Severus chuckled "Yeah, he's right ready for Ravenclaw isn't he?" Everyone looked at him. "What!"

"You made a joke!" Tonks and Kinsley said.

"And it was funny!" Sirius added, then they all laughed a little, still in shock.

**RON: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle.**

**HARRY: (walks up to Crabbe and Goyle) Hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone?**

**GOYLE: Well, if it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because your famous, you can boss everyone around!**

Severus ad draco nodded their heads, agreeing.

**HARRY: No I just don't think its cool for guys like you picking on guys like Neville, I mean c'mon.**

"What do you mean, guys like me!" Neville said, hysterically.

"I don't know Neville, it's not me!" Harry said quietly.

**GOYLE: Well, you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds!(Goyle take Harrys glasses) We hate nerds! (Breaks glasses)**

"They did that in third year, after 'Mione broke Malfoy's nose!" Ron said happily.

**CRABBE: And girls! **

"That actually explains a lot," Draco said, shuddering "Like in second year in the locker rooms when…" He trailed off, muttering repress.

"Drake? Are you Okay?" Luna said, her sing-song voice gone and filed with worry.

"Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?"

"You said something about Crabbe, Goyle, and a locker room.."

"Repress, Repress, Repress, Re-" Luna kissed him.

"Shut up Draco!" She said, back in her sing-song voice. Everyone laughed as he blushed.

**RON: Oh, you don't mess with Harry Potter; he defeated the Dark Lord when he was just a baby.**

"Thanks for reminding me Ron!"

"No Prob!"

**HERMIONE: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus Reparo! (Glasses are fixed, and fly to Harry's face)**

**HARRY: Whoa cool!**

"You still haven't learned that?"

"Again, NOT ME!"

**HERMIONE: Now, let's leave these big Baby childish jerks alone!**

"Nice insult, Hermione!" Draco said then slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Draco, you called me Hermione!" Hermione said.

"Yeah, Can we put the past behind us? I mean, What's past is past right. And I'm sorry for being such a jerk.

Hermione, Harry, and Ron nodded numbly and Luna smiled. "It wasn't as bad telling them as you thought, was it Drakie?" Draco flushed.

**DRACO: (Enters from left, wearing slytherin garb, a fake blonde wig, and a diamond earring) Did somebody say Draco Malfoy? **

"Oh my-"

"God!" Fred and George said.

And cue the hysterical laughter.

"Come on, It's not that funny." Draco whined.

"You… answered.. t-too Big baby childish jerk and you are a girl. I think it's bloody hilarious, M-mate." Ron said between laughs, surprising Draco with the last part.

**Crabbe Goyle, be a dove and go pay for my robes will you. So Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Well maybe this year, you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard? (Strikes funny pose)**

Laughter continues, much to Draco's disappointment.

**HARRY: No way Malfoy! Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole wide world and I wouldn't trade them for anything. (puts arms around them and ginny tries to join but Ron pushes her away)**

"Thanks Ron! I didn't want to hug you anyway!" Ginny teased, and everyone smirked as he paled.

**DRACO: Have it your way then. Wait- Don't tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley!**

"What's wrong with Weasley's!" All the Weasleys but Ron said.

"N-Nothing i-it's n"

"It's not him guys!" Ron said smirking at how afraid of his family Draco was, and causing everyone to look at him "What!"

**RON: Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass okay, but she's my pain in the ass!**

"Oh, Ronnikins! I didn't know you cared!" Ginny fake cried, until she was tickled by the man and she laughed.

**DRACO: Well isn't this cute! Its like a little loser family! **

"Not me! Not me! Not me!" Draco shrieked when all weasley's (Minus Ron) glared at him.

**(Exit Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny and enter Crabbe and Goyle) Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

"Pigfarts?" Severus said innocently making everyone laugh again.

**(starts to sing) This year you'll bet, I'm gonna get out of here, the reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, and it's gonna be Totally Awesome! **

"What? Hand gestures now!" Everyone glared at Draco, like it was his fault the phrase was used so much.

**Look out world for the dawn of the day, where everyone will do Whatever I say, and Potter wont be in my way. And then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"Dream on Malfoy!" Neville screamed. "Sorry, I kept a grudge." He shrugged, making a few people (Cough cough Sirius and Severus and Remus cough cough)

**GOYLE: Yeah you'll be the one who is totally Awesome!**

"O my god I love his voice!" Luna said dreamily, til she saw Draco's face. "I-I mean it's not like yours dear." She covered up.

**CHOO CHOO!**

**HERMIONE: C'mon guys we're gonna miss the train!**

**(cast comes on stage and forms threes lines and act as a train)**

**ALL:(SING) Who knows how fast, this years gonna go? Hand me a glass let the butterbeer flow.**

"I want some butterbeer!" Draco said, bottles of butterbeer at everyone's feet.

"Sweet!" All the teens said.

**HARRY: Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!**

**RON: No way that would be way too awesome!**

"Thanks for the confidence Ron!" Harry said, sarcastically.

"No problem, Harry!

**ALL: We've come to learn everything that we can. Its great to come back to where we began. And he we are, and ALAKAZAM! Here we go, this is totally awesome! (the train separates and some grab benches and get into two lines facing each other.) So come and teach us everything you know. The summers over and we are itching to go. (everybody stops)**

**NEVILLE: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore! **

**ALL: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh (Enter Dumbledore)**

"O my god! Dumbledore!" Ron and harry fell out of their chairs laughing, everyone else was laughing so hard they cried.

**DUMBLEDORE: Welcome! **

**(Holds the come for 9beats) All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool! **

"Is their?" Tonks wondered.

"Yes, somewhere in the castle, Godric Gryffindor had a swimming pool." Dumbledore smiled.

**Welcome welcome welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties nerds and tools. Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (Speaks) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore, well I suppose you could also call me Albus if you wanted a detention, Nah I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus! (Albus moves to the back of the stage)**

"Would you really?"

"No but I think a detention would do."

**ALL: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblin and ghosts and some magical feasts. Its all that I love and its all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. Back to spells and enchantments potions and friends, To-**

**GRIFFINDORS: Gryffindor!**

All Gryffindor's "WOO!"

**HUFFLEPUFFS: Hufflepuff!**

"Yeah!"

**RAVENCLAWS: Ravenclaw!**

"BOOYAH!"

**SLYTHERINS: Slytherin!**

"YES!"

**ALL: Back to the place where our story begins, at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I'm sorry, what's its name?**

**ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I didn't hear you kids!**

**ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts! **

**HARRY: Man I'm glad I'm back! (casts stands at the front of stage with wands in air)**

"Let's watch the new one!"

"Wait! I'm hungry!" Ron whined.

"We'll get food after this clip." Mrs. Weasley assured her son.


	3. AVPM Act 1 scene 3 Champions

"Wait! I want to try something," Ron said with a devious smile.

"I really, _really_ could go for some chocolate frogs, pumpkin pasties, Redvines, and caldron cakes." Suddenly they all appeared by everyone's feet, Ron's was the largest pile. Oh, and a note appeared at Harry's feet.

_~Hi everyone,_

_My Brothers, God-brother, and Al's boyfriend forgot to tell me we were sending the note last time~._

Harry read, the type of writing changing as if someone else wrote this.

_**Sorry Lil's**. __Sorry,_**_We love you? And sorry? _**_Yeah we forgot.__**Al you write like a girl, like yours looks exactly like Lil's**. __I do not! _**_ Stop picking on Al or Lil's and Scorp will have your head, plus J-man your ruining our whole, 'mysterious' thing we had goin' on! _**_**Sorry Ted-man**._

Harry raised his eyebrows, but had fun reading in different voices.

_~GUYS! Anyway, there are rooms up stairs and out a door which you will see name tags on. And a kitchen out the door and to your left. Everything has been taken care of and, yes, Unc- I mean Ron, You can ask for snacks. Enjoy the musical! And guys, B.T.W (By the way) they should know our names now that you've ruined everything James! (No harry, we're from the PAST remember not the future!)~_

**_I said I was Sorry, god sister! Hee hee! Send you guys more letters soon!_**

_**James. S. P**, __**Teddy. R. L**, __Scorpius. D. M__,~ __Lily. L. P~, __Albus. S. P._

"Wow, anyway I guess we really _are_ stuck here until we finish these." Dumbledore said.

Everyone agreed and started the clip.

**(Everybody sits down in their respective areas)**

**DUMBLEDOR: Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! **

"Ugh! Not the speech!" Severus and Sirius moaned, then smiled at each other as Ron finished his 4th pumpkin pasty.

**And a very special welcome back to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter (RON: Woo!).**

"Merlin, Ron! If you 'Woo' in real life I will hurt you in ways that need not be said!" Fred said, looking annoyed while George smiled at him fondly.

**He defeated Voldemort when he was just a baby, and he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.**

"How many times will that be said!" Harry asked clearly annoyed. Everyone chuckled. "Sorry Harry," Tonks chided "You're famous, deal. It must be so hard being loved by everyone and being the one thing that anyone would kill to be!" You could tell by her tone she was kidding.

**And also another special welcome to the newest addition of Griffindor! Mr Ginny-**

"Um… Excuse me!" Ginny said "Last time I checked, not that I do, I was a girl!" She glared at Dumbledore.

**Excuse Me, Ms Ginny Weasley.**

"That's more like it."

**GINNY: Yeah, I'm a girl... **

"We've established this." Ron said, mouth full of chocolate frog causing Hermione to wrinkle her nose.

**But, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the uhh, Sorting hat?**

**DUMBLEDOR: Yes, well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of Magical enchanted clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference,**

"We _need_ one of them! WRITE THAT DOWN GEORGE!" Fred screamed as he stuffed a pickle, pumpkin pasty, and chocolate frog into his mouth at the same time. Mrs. Weasley crinkled her nose then it hit her. '_I craved things like that when I was pregnant… surely Fred isn't… Oh Merlin.'_

**wont be back 'till next year. So basically, I've been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy in Slytherin**

"I'm/He's not a bad guy!" Draco, Severus, Luna, and Sirius screamed. All blinked at each other.

**and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want I really don't care.**

**CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs, are particularly good finders!**

"Say what!" Hermione and Tonks said. Making Mrs. Weasley giggle and Arthur raise his eyebrows.

**DUMBLEDOR: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?**

"OmyMerlin! Dumbledore!" Everyone chocked out.

**Anyway, it is now time for me to introduce to you my very good friend and our very own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape.**

**RON: Ugh man, I hope they fire that guy! **

"Thanks Mr. Weasley!"

"Anytime, Professor, Anytime."

**GINNY: Why? Whats wrong with Professor Snape?**

**RON: Uh, Nothing he's just, uh, evil!**

**(Enter Snape)**

"THAT LOOKS _NOTHING_ LIKE ME!" Severus screamed and hit a snickering Sirius on the arm. "You, shut it!" He hissed.

**HARRY: Oh, come on he's really not that bad.**

"Thank you Potter."

**SNAPE: Haaarry Pootterrr! (dragging out each word) Detention!**

"For what!" Harry, Ron, Draco, and Hermione said, but were ignored.

"His voice is awesome!" Tonks said laughing.

"Can you talk like that?" Remus asked Severus, who blushed.

"Um.. No…" He lied, making everyone beg and laugh at the same time.

"P-Please Sevvie?" Sirius said using a irritating nickname.

"No."

"I'll kiss you." Sirius said, not expecting Severus to say yes.

"Ok Homo!" Severus said brightly then scowled and dragged each word out. "Haaarry Pootterrr. Detention!" Everyone burst into laughter.

Sirius pecked severus on the lips, manly. "A promise is a promise." He grumbled.

Luna, feeling left out of the Kissing-ness kissed Draco on the lips for no reason.

**HARRY: What?**

**SNAPE: For talking out of turn!**

"So something you would do, uncle Sev." Draco said, still pink from Luna's kiss.

"** Now before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very very first, Pop-Quiz. (students groan except hermione) Can anybody tell me what a portkey is? (Hermione raises her hand)**

"Of course your hand would be the first in the air!" Ron chided, looking green as Fred put mustard on a cauldron cake.

"Shut up Ronald!"

**Oh Yes Miss Granger?**

**HERMIONE: A portkey is a magically enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.**

"Whoah! You talk fast, Mione!"

"Harry!" The woman Harry thought of as a mother exclaimed.

"Sorry, Her-Mummy." He said, slipping into one of his nick-names for her._**(Yes! The nickname is Her-Mummy! Get it? Hermione, Her-mummy? Lol)**_

**SNAPE: Oh Very good. Now can anybody tell me what foreshadowing is?**

Everyone looked at Snape. "What!"

"You gave a Gryffindor a complement!"

Ron smiled "And what's with the 'Oh yes, Miss Granger?"

Mrs. Weasley thought out loud "Their telling us about foreshadowing because that's what their doing!"

"Yes, they are, Mum!" Charlie and Bill chimed.

**Oh yes Miss Granger?**

**HERMIONE: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.**

**SNAPE: Perfect!**

**RON: What was a portkey again I missed that one.**

**HERMIONE: Oh, A portkey (RON: not you, oh my god) Is an enchanted object that when touched will transport you anywhere in the globe.**

**SNAPE: And remember a portkey can be any harmless object, like a football. Or a dolphin.**

"Poor dolphin." Ginny said, climbing into Harry's lap as he stroked her hair.

Everyone looked at each other and thought 'It's about time."

**LAVENDER: Professor? Can like a person be a portkey?**

**SNAPE: No that's absurd! Because if a person were to touch themselves (looks pointedly at Ron)**

And cue (more, is that possible? Oh well.) Hysterical laughter,

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean!" Ron said looking enraged.

"We still love you Ron!" Hermione and Harry chimed, laughing at his dumb-struck expression.

**they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can however be a Horcrux.**

Severus and Dumbledore exchanged looks.

"What's a 'Horcrux'?" Harry asked, they just shook their heads.

**HARRY: What's a, what's a Horcrux?**

**SNAPE: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough. **

**HERMIONE: Professor what is the point of this quiz?**

**SNAPE: Oh no no no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. Especially you! Now, moving right along, there are four houses. Gryffindor (Woo!),**

"Woo!" All the Gryffindor's mimicked, laughing.

**Ravenclaw (OW!)**

"Yeah! OW!" Cho and a Few Ravenclaws screamed.

**Hufflepuff(CEDRIC: Find-) What?**

Everyone laughed at that. Taonks sighed, it was making Hufflepuffs out to be, well, useless.

**and Slytherin. (Yesss)**

**Now traditionally, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example! Ten Points from Gryffindor!**

"What!" All the Gryffindor's screamed at him, Even TOnks (Even though she's a Hufflepuff)

"NOT ME!"

**GRYFFINDOR: What?**

**SNAPE: For Miss Grangers excessive baby fat.**

"Hermione, you don't have baby-fat!" All the girls (Add Severus and Fred) screamed at her.

**RON+HARRY: Thanks Hermione.**

"Sorry Ma/Hermione." Harry and Ron said. Hermione smiled at her crush and her honorary son.

"S'ok Ron. S'ok Harry. And Harry, dear, please don't feed Ron anymore of your sweets, what you don't want put up for later." Everyone but Harry and Ron looked surprised at Hermione's mothering, oh and the way Harry's calling her everything short of 'Mum'.

"Yes, Her-Mummy."

**SNAPE: Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup! However this year we are doing things a bit differently. And here to introduce it, is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel! (Enter Quirrel)**_**(Did I spell his name right?)**_

**HARRY: Ow! OW! Ow!**

"Nice dramatics, Harry" Draco commented, chuckling. Harry, being mature, stuck his tongue out at him.

"Harry, be nice."

"Yes, ma."

**HERMIONE: Harry, what's wrong? **

**HARRY: Ow! Ow! Jesus!**

**QUIRREL: The House Cup. A time honored tradition. For centuries- (DRACO:Go home terrorist! 'acting innocent')**

"Draco- wh-why didn't y-you do that i-in r-r-real l-l-life!" Harry exclaimed giggling like a little kid, well, everyone was laughing he was the only one giggling though.

"That would have been so cool!" Hermione exclaimed.

**For centuries the four house of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of House Champion. But where does this tradition come from, and what are the . . . roots of the competetion?**

**HERMIONE: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.**

"Wow, still talking fast, Her-Mummy?" Hermione glared at Ron.

"You're a bad example to him Ronald Weasley! Act better around him! He is _your _best friend!" She talked to him like a mother would talk to a irritating father who was setting a bad example for their 4 year-old. Tonks decided, that for Harry's sake, she wouldn't comment on it… now anyway.

**QUIRREL: That was a rhetorical question.**

Everyone laughed, Ron spit Pumpkin pasty (accidently) all over Draco.

"Eww…."

**DUMBLEDORE: Granger quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor.**

**RON: Thanks Hermione.**

"Welcome, Ronald!" She kissed his cheek. Harry, who felt extremely mature that day, screamed "EWWW!" with Ginny, then laughed like a 3 and 4 year old (Surprisingly HARRY acted like the 3 year old.)

**QUIRREL: As I was saying, when the competition first originated it was that of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup (pause for dramatic effect for 2 seconds) but they would also win eternal glory.**

**HERMIONE: Kind of like a House Cup- or no like a Triwizard tournament.**

**QUIRREL: Yes, sort of like a Triwizard tournament- except, no not like that at all. There are four houses, how can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams? **

"It happened!" Harry exclaimed, while everyone looked at him weird. Hermione noticed the problem first.

"How many sweets have you had, Harry dear?" She said, sounding like Mrs. Weasley.

"Umm.. Uh.. That's not important Mum!" Everyone looked startled when he outright called Hermione 'Mum'

"Harry James Potter! 1.. 2…" She counted to him like he was a child,

"Um…. Only 6 chocolate frogs, 7 pasties, and 11 cakes." He said making her jaw drop.

"Before dinner! Why did you eat so much!" everyone fidgeted, this was way to awkward.

"Umm… Ron ate more than me, so… Look at the screen!" a hyper harry pointed at the enlarged computer screen.

**HERMIONE: Well, err, Professor if I remember correctly, the House Cup tournament was disbanded after one semester, when one of the students was killed during the first task.**

**QUIRREL: Yes. It is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.**

"I don't think you heard me! I just said someone died!

**HERMIONE: I don't think you heard me! I just said somebody died!**

Hermione blinked.

**DUMBLEDOR: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!**

"My mouth isn't lop-sided! Is it!" Hermione panicked, again.

"No Hermione!" Ron reassured Hermione, Ginny whispered something in Harry's ear and the two smirked.

**HARRY: Thanks Hermione.**

**(Pause)**

**DUMBLEDOR: God! For the smartest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes! (students laugh) Ten points to Dumbledore!**

"Maybe I should do that, not the insults, but the point thing." Dumbledore said thoughtfully, making everyone laugh.

**QUIRREL: Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that a practical application is exactly what the corriculen needs to-**

**VOLDY: AH CHOO! **

"Oh Bloody hell!" Harry said, laughing.

"Harry, Language young man!" Hermione and Mrs. Weasley screamed.

"Sorry Mum, Mrs. Weasley." Harry muttered, not hearing Ron, Remus, Draco, Sirius, Severus, Kingsly, Tonks, Luna, Neville, and Dumbledore mutter "whipped"

**DUMBLEDOR: Did your turban just sneeze?**

**QUIRREL: Wha-what? No.**

**DUMBLEDORE: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving.**

**QUIRREL: No, Sorry that was simply a fart, excuse me. (Starts to leave)**

**VOLDY: AH CHOO! (Bumps into harry)**

"Omy merlin! He's 'farting' in my face!" Harry said innocently, making everyone laugh harder.

**HARRY: OW OW Ahh Jesus! (VOLDY: AH CHOO!)**

**QUIRREL: I must be going. **

**VOLDY: AH CHOO!**

**HARRY: Owww!**

**QUIRREL: I simply farted once more, excuse me.**

"If he says he 'farted' again I'll die!"

**DUMBLEDOR: In Order of the newly resurrected house cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So Snape, will you do the honors?**

**SNAPE: (Carrying cup) Yes Headmaster. (dramatically pulls out a slip of paper) First from the Ravenclaw House; A Miss Cho Chang!**

"I won!" Cho said, smileing.

**CHO: Oh, My god I won, I can't believe it ya'll I won!**

Cho blushed at her character's reaction.

**SNAPE: A next from Hufflepuff (pulls paper out) Mr Cedric Diggory.**

**CEDRIC: Well, I don't FIND this surprising at all.**

"Ugh! Helga Hufflepuff is disgraced with these Merlin-Damn FIND jokes!" Tonks swore loudly.

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN/HARRY!" Hermione and Mrs. Weasley screamed then blinked at each other.

"I'm not a bloody child!" Harry muttered, no-one heard him though. Poor 15 year-old boy.

**CHO: I FIND it perfect 'cause now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.**

"Oh great, now _I'm_ doing it!" Cho moaned.

**CEDRIC: I am glad as well my darling.**

**SNAPE: A next, from the Slytherin house, (pulls slip out) A Draco Malfoy!**

**DRACO: Oh! Ho! I finally beat you didn't I Potter. What do you think of that huh?(goes over to gryffs and starts rolling all over them.) I'm the champion this time! (rolls onto floor)**

More laughter than physically possible insues.

**DUMBLEDOR: Draco sit down you little shit, champions just a title.**

Draco pouted "Your mean."

**SNAPE: And finally from the Gryffindor House (pulls slip) Oh my. Well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a very well known grudge against, is suddenly in a tournament where he very may well, lose his life.**

**NEVILLE: If-If its me, I'll just appolagise to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing.**

"It's not you Neville!" Harry said, clearly not happy.

"I know, sorry Harry."

**SNAPE: Sit down, you inaticualte bumbler. Its Harry Potter!**

"Hey, be nice to Neville! He was my first friend!" Hermione pouted. Harry and Ron murmered a sorry as they were horrible to her during their first term.

**RON: WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!**

"SHUT UP DA-RON!" Harry yelled, fixing a mistake in the middle of yelling. Ron let it go, but he was smiling. If Harry thought of Hermione as his Mum, and Ron as his dad then…..

Ron smiled wider.

**HARRY: All right! **

**DUMBELDOR: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions, and I want all of you to start preparing imediately because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything. So lets get to it! Haha! **

**STUDENTS: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang! (Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Hey!)**

"Let's eat dinner, meet back here in 20 minuets, and after the next clip clean up and go to bed!" Hermione said, looking straight at Harry,

"But 'Mione, by then it will only e like, 10:30!" Ron whined.

"Oh you can stay up, but after the next clip lets stop,'cuse we'll all be to tired to really pay attention to it.

Harry sighed, having Hermione treat him like her son was great, except she grounded him (Seriously, He means, she did most of the stuff _with_ him!) and picked when he went to bed. It was actually nice having someone fret over him and take care of him.

_**What do you think? Someone asked me in a P.M to make Hermione more motherly toward Harry, like Uber mom, so was it a good choice? Just wondering 'cuse I am NOT re-doing this WHOLE chapter, but constructive criticism might help a little. Sorry if it sucked.**_

_**Expect a review by next Saturday/Sunday,**_

_**Your author,**_

_**(P.S: REVIEW! More reviews= quicker update)**_


	4. AVPM Act 1 scene 4 No song again

_**OK! Hi! I know I said it wouldn't be this soon but… I HAVE NO LIFE! Plus I got a concussion today in school, so they let me come home and do whatever I want, eat whatever I want, but not sleep.**_

_**Here is how the children's writing is SUPPOSED to look on the letters.**_

_**Lily:**__ ~Hi, Lily test!~_

_**James: **__**James sirius potter Rules!**_

_**Teddy: **_**So does Teddy! God!**

_**Albus: **__~`~Al is the man, oh and Al test!~`~_

_**Scorpius: **_**:Scorp-Rocks!:**

_**As you see it didn't work out so well the 1**__**st**__** time! Lol Here's your chapter! (sorry if it sucks.. concussion, remember?)**_

* * *

><p>"Ron," Hermione said as She finished cleaning up dinner dishes. "You've got icing on your nose." Hermione delicately wiped a, blushing, Ron's nose.<p>

"T-Thanks." Ron muttered as they both blushed. Soon they leaned in, closing the space between them, their lips meeting in a soft, gentle caress. A shock jolted through Hermione, the room faded away, it was only her and Ron.

"Hey! Hermione, Ron! What's takin' so long!" Sirius called, making both teens blush and jump away from each-other quickly.

"B-Be there in a minuet!" They yelled, than smiled at each other.

**RON: Harry, you got this tournament in bag.**

"Wish you acted like that in real life, mate!" Harry said brightly, but his smile was fixed.

**HARRY: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory is kinda awesome- NOT He sucks! I'm totally gonna win this, it's in the bag! (Ron and Harry Hi-5)**

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! APPOLOGISE!"

"Sorry, Her-mummy, but it's _not me!_"

**HERMIONE: I don't know about this Harry.**

**RON: Oh my god Hermione, shut up!**

"Ron!"

"Sorry!"

**(Mouth full of food)**

"Ewwww" everyone chorused, looking green.

"Ron, dear. Please keep food in your mouth." Mrs. Weasley said.

**Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?**

"Because, if I didn't you and _Harry_ would do some horrible, awful, dangerous stunt and probably be dead!"

"Right… sorry, Hermione."

**HERMIONE: Because Ron, this is dangerous.**

**HARRY: Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione how dangerous could it be? Especially for me?**

"What do you mean? 'Especially for me'"

"Not me!" Harry said, looking at his enraged honorary mother.

**HERMIONE: What-You're not invincible Harry, somebody died in this tournament.**

Hermione, all the girls, Fred, and Severus nodded.

**HARRY: I'm the Boy-That-Lived not Died. God! What's the worst that could happen?**

"Boy who lived, not died." Severus muttered, trying to cover up a girl-like giggle.

**HERMIONE: And I don't know about that Quirrel character. You know, first he resurrects a horrible ancient tournament, then- then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt, and you have got to admit that there is something really funky about the back of his head.**

"Oh Merlin my/her grammar!" Everyone said, they had never seen Hermione speak with such poor Grammar.

**HARRY: Come on think about it. Professor Quirrel is a Professor and who hires the professors?**

**HARRY+RON: Dumbledore!**

"Oh lord your almost-

As bad as us!" George finished shaking his head with laughter.

**HARRY: Who is the smartest, most awesome, most practical (RON: Beautiful) wizard, beautiful wizard in the whole world. **

"I'm touched!" Dumbledore faked cried, making everyone burst into hysterical laughter (Seriously, they hadn't had this much fun since Umbridge came to Hogwarts.)

**Why would he possibly hire somebody who is trying to hurt me?**

"Mad-eye-moody's clone, Quirrel, Filch, Umbrid- Err…" Harry stopped; he had only told his best friends about Umbridge.

"Dolores is hurting you, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, looking confused.

"No!" Harry said quickly hiding his hand, which Sirius snatched just as quick.

"_I must not tell lies._" Sirius read disgust on his face. Everyone else just looked at Harry.

**HERMIONE: Well, err what about Snape?**

**HARRY: Yeah what about him?**

"Yeah, what about me Miss Granger!" Severus teased, and let a girlish squeal out when Sirius tapped him in the side. He, of course, got a glare worthy of the devil.

**HERMIONE: He's hated you for years Harry, and he's hated your parents too everyone knows that! **

"I didn't hate Lily!" Severus muttered, making Sirius frown. '_Does he still love lily?_' He wondered.

**And he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not 5 possible Gryffindor's. **

Everyone laughed at that.

**HARRY: Yeah what a coincidence? (HERMIONE: no) We lucked out!**

**HERMIONE: No Harry I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort, you made a lot of enemies, (HARRY: Okay) Ones you might not even know about.**

"Yep!" Sirius said, looking at Draco. "Like, wasn't your dad a X-Deatheater?"

"yeah…"

**HARRY: Alright, so let me get this straight. You think that this tournament is just one big ploy to try to kill me? **

"He's learning! I feel so accomplished!" All the teachers said, than looked at each other.

**RON: God, stupid!**

**HERMIONE: Umm I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I-I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.**

**HARRY: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you. I'll drop out.**

"Thank you Harry!" Hermione hugged him.

**HERMIONE: Oh, Thank you Harry! (hugs him)**

They blinked at the screen.

**RON: Wait wait wait wait -WHAT? The HOUSE CUP? What about all the eternal glory you'd win? I mean come on!**  
>"IHe has enough!" Everyone groaned.

**HARRY: Hey hey, eternal glory? Already got that.**

"We've established this."

**Besides Neville will make a great champion.**

**RON: NO no no no! I do not want Shlongbottom to be my champion.**

"Oh My merlin! I can't wait to use that!" Fred said, smiling.

**HERMIONE: Harry, all you have to do- Oh look there's Dumbledore (enter Dumbledore) Why don't you go talk to him and tell him that your dropping out?**

**HARRY: Uhh, listen Hermione. Me and Dumbledore are really really super super tight**

"I didn't know that!" Ron, and Kingsley screamed at the TV.

**and I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or anything, so can you tell- why don't you tell him? Tell him I want to work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you got this (pokes her nose)**

"Harry, sweetie, do that and I won't be afraid to castrate you."

"Y-yes ma'am." Harry squeaked.

**You're the best, (HERMIONE: alright) you got this.**

**HERMIONE: (Walks over to Dumbledore) Okay. Dumbledore? **

**DUMBLEDORE: Yes Granger?**

**HERMIONE: Err, I need to talk to you about the err, House Cup tournament. First of all I think it's an awful idea. **

"We get that!" Luna said dreamily. "Wrakspurts give us all bad ideas."

**But second of all, I-I don't think that Harry Potter should compete.**

**DUMBLEDORE: Granger, why do you always gotta be a good 'ol stick in the mud huh? Pray tell why Harry Potter shouldn't compete?**

"Dumbledore, you're... whining!" Severus looked as if Christmas had come early.

"Not him, Sev." Sirius sighed, making Severus pout.

**HERMIONE: Uhh, Well because he uhh, wants to study.**

"You stink at lying." Fred said.

"Yeah, well I know a secret! Fred and George are-"

"I meant your amazing! Wonderful! Stupendous!"

**DUMBLEDORE: Granger, nobody studies here at Hogwarts except for you.**

"I study!" All teens but Ron shouted at the screen.

**HERMIONE: Well, uhh okay. He wants to focus on the OWLs.**

"That lie is even worse." Tonks laughed.

"I bet it is, Nymphadora lo-"

"Have I told you how amazing you look today?"

Everyone chuckled at Hermione's black-mailing.

**DUMBLEDORE: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight.**

Harry moaned when it said that, again. Hermione rubbed his back. "Sorry baby" she whispered.

**HERMIONE: Okay, I'm a really bad liar. Okay, I think it's a ruse, a set up. and I think that maybe Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.**

**DUMBLEDORE: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest man I have ever met.**

Severus looked horrified. Dumbledore smirked, but also looked disturbed.

"I-I- Dumble- Sexy- Errg" Severus moaned.

"You _are_ a sexy man, Sev. I want to come up to your room and…" _**(I censored it for Small viewers. Think up something perverted involving Sev's arse.)**_Sirius whispered into Sev's ear, making him blush deep.

**Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter about as much as he is trying to kill me. Huh!**

**SNAPE: Oh Professor Dumbledore, I was just in the kitchen and I decided to make you this delicious sandwich.**

"I/You/He gave You/Him/Me a Bomb!" Everyone screamed.

**DUMBLEDORE: Ohhh, why thank you Severus, you see Granger how thoughtful. **

**SNAPE: Here you are Professor, Bomb appetite- I mean Bone appetite. (Snape runs off stage)**

**HERMIONE: Umm, is that sandwich ticking?**

**DUMBLEDORE: It looks like its licking. Finger-licking good.**

Everyone chuckled.

**HERMIONE: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich.**

**DUMBLEDORE: Why Granger? You gotta listen to Snape more often, you might even get a sandwich out of it. (Mione grabs sandwich) Granger what the hell- (Hermione runs off stage with it) Granger! What are you doing?(Explosion hapens) You don gone exploded my sandwhich!**

**HERMIONE: I'm sorry sir!**

**DUMBLEDORE: Hey. Even if I did happen to know that Harry Potter was in danger, he would still have to compete. You see that cup?**

"NO!"

**HERMIONE: Yes!**

**DUMBLEDORE: Its Enchanted. Whoevers name comes out of the cup has to compete or the results would be bad.**

**HERMIONE: What do you mean bad?**

**DUMBLEDORE: Well, try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**

"OW!" Harry moaned.

**HERMIONE: A total platonic reversal!**

"Oh my Merlin! Ghost buster's reference!" Harry laughed.

"They make a lot of movie references. Muggle thing." She explained to the Pure-bloods.

**DUMBLEDORE: Yeah, so you see Harry Potter has to compete. And Hermione if it makes you feel any better, the last person to die in this tournament was a Hufflepuff, so umm, I'll keep my eyes open, and nothings gonna get past old Dumbledore. **

**Now I gotta go make myself another sandwhich, but I don't know how it will be better than the last one, that one ticked! (Exit Dumbledore) **

**HERMIONE: Because it was a bomb. (walks over to boys) Harry, I'm so sorry but I think your gonna have to compete in the House Cup tournament. But don't worry, I wont rest until I find out what the first task is.**

**RON: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.**

Ron and Harry hi-fived

**HARRY: Alright! You guys are awesome!**

"Yes we are!" The trio said, laughing.

**(Enter Crabbe and Goyle with Goyle carrying Draco)**

"OmyMerlin!"

Laughter insued… again.

**DRACO: Well, isn't this touching?**

**RON: Oh my god just but out Malfoy. (Draco starts rolling all over the floor)**

"Why does my character feel the need to roll all over the floor?" Draco asked, to no-one in particular.

"'Cuse it's adorable!" Luna said.

**DRACO: Father and I have a bet you know. He thinks you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I think you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts!**

Draco groaned.

**HARRY: Alright, Malfoy, what- what is Pigfarts?**

"That's what I'm thinking!" everyone mused.

**DRACO: Oh never heard of it? Figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts. **

**HARRY: Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it. Thats like the tenth time you've mentioned it so what is Pigfarts?**

**DRACO: Pigfarts, is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.**

"No you're not!" Luna screamed. Draco whimpered. "Yes, dear."

"Whipped." Giny whispered to Harry, they both chuckled.

"I heard you." Draco said than looked pointedly toward Hermione. Harry paled.

**HERMIONE: Malfoy, I have never heard of that.**

"neither have I!" Draco said, well more like groaned, than got a kiss from Luna and stfu (Shut the f—k up)

**DRACO: Thats because Pigfarts, is on Mars!**

Everyone burst out laughing. I mean, can you imagine an actual school on mars?

**HARRY: Malfoy, you know, we are trying to have a conversation here, so if you would-**

**DRACO: Oh I'm not even here.**

"I've heard that before." Sirius snorted.

**HARRY: Okay so anyway, I was thinking that maybe we could ask Dumbledore about the first task.**

**DRACO: Dumbledore? What an old Coot!**

"Not me!" Draco screamed.

**He's nothing like Rumbleroar.**

"rumbleroar?"

**GOYLE: RUMBLEROAR!**

Everyone laughed at his voice. Again.

**HARRY: Anyways I think-**

**DRACO: Rumbleroars the Headmaster of Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk.**

"Lion who can talk, like in Narnia?" Hermione mused, chuckling.

**HARRY: If you don't mind, we are trying to have a conversation here so why don't you- what, your not even eating, get out of here!**

**DRACO: Well, I can't help it if we can hear everything you say; we are the only ones in here. **

"Weird, normally at lunch everyone's there."

**HARRY: Malfoy can you just get out of here please?**

**DRACO: Where am I supposed to go?**

**HARRY: Uhh, I don't know? Pigfarts?**

"O my goodness!" Everyone laughed.

**DRACO: Oh ha ha ha, now your just being cute. I can't go to Pigfarts. Its on Mars! You need a rocketship. Have you got a rocketship Potter? I bet you do. You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.**

"That's cold." Luna said, glaring at Draco.

"N-Not me!" He squeaked.

**(Rolled all over Harry Ron and Hermione) Look, at this, look at this! Rocket ship Potter, Starkid Potter! Moon shoes Potter, traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts. **

"wow"'s and "Jealous much?" were heard throughout the room.

**HARRY: Alright, that's it. This is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.**

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.

**DRACO: Whoa! Not so fast potter (Runs off behind Goyle)Crabbe Goyle! (Runs and hangs upside down on the bottom of a bench) **

"Draco,"

"We bloody love your character!" Fred and George said, laughing.

**HARRY: Oh Sure just back-**

**GOYLE: BACK OFF NERD!**

**HARRY: Whoa! Scary, scary!**

"Nice acting Harry!"

**DRACO: Not so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone other than that lolly-gagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend!**

Hermione and Ron blushed. "Sorry, you'know about the m-word."

**HERMIONE: Oh, That is IT Malfoy! Jelly-legs jinx! (Points wand at Crabbe and Goyle)**

"These really weren't thought out." Hermione said, frowning. Harry, Ron, and Sirius rolled their eyes.

**DRACO: Oh Come on!**

**GOYLE: Hey no fair! My legs are jelly! (Hermione walks over to Draco who is still hanging upside down)**

**HERMIONE: (Grabs his tie and pulls him up) Take it back Malfoy!**

"Like third year!" Everyone shouted.

**DRACO: Take what back?**

**HERMIONE: Take back what you said about your stupid made up space school!**

**RON: Yeah, and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that's not even a little bit true.**

Hermione frowned, and glared at Ron, scouting away from him.

"Sorry, not me." Ron whispered.

**HERMIONE: And say you're sorry for calling me a you-know-what!**

**DRACO: Alright I'm sorry.**

**HERMIONE: And you promise never to do it again?**

**DRACO: I promise!**

**HERMIONE: Alright! Now next time we tell you to leave us alone, you better do it. Come on, Harry, Ron, lets get out of here. Besides, you already ate all my lunch.**

"That's so like him!" Harry and Hermione said, then smiled at each other.

**HARRY: Wow. Thanks Hermione. **

**HERMIONE: Yeah. UnJellyfy!**

**RON: That was like the most bad-ass thing I've ever seen, too bad nobody was here to see it though. It was like an outburst of pent-up agression (Starts to leave) It was like, Arghh! Hermione!**

Ron scouted close to Hermione, and took her hand, smiling.

**GOYLE: Wow! That sucked royal Hipogriff. We got beat by a girl. Who's a nerd! **

"She's not a nerd!" Harry, Ginny, and Hannah (Abbot) shouted.

"Yes I am." Hermione smiled.

**DRACO: I didn't mean what I said you know. Pigfarts is real. (starts to touch his nose checking for blood) Am I- Am I bleeding? Goyle?**

**(Goyle goes on all fours and sniffs Dracos nose)**

"And you called me over dramatic!" Harry shouted.

"Did he sniff your nose?" Fred wondered.

**GOYLE: NO!**

**DRACO: Oh, I thought maybe-maybe just a little bit (still touching his nose and seeing for blood)Well, I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe, I shouldn't call her a mud**

"No you shouldn't!" Everyone shouted.

**- Whatever. (gets up)**

**GOYLE: I can't believe I couldn't figure out that the counter curse was just unjellyfy.**

"I'm not surprised." Draco said.

**DRACO: Well, I'm not surprised.**

Draco blinked.

**Come on lets go watch, Wizards of Waverley Place. (exit stage) **

"What's wizards of Waverly place?" Ron asked.

While Hermione explained it to him, Harry and Ginny were ushered up-stairs by Molly(Mrs. Weasley.)

"Bed!" She pushed Harry in a room that said _Harry, Ron, and Hermione._ And she pushed Ginny in a room that read _Ginny, Luna, and Draco._

Harry and Ginny protested at their doors(Which magically locked themselves.)

"Come on! Were not five! It's only 10:30!" They said.

"Another word, Ginerva and you are grounded! Harry, don't make me get Hermione." They shut up quickly.

* * *

><p>"Oh!" Ron said, and then laughed. "<em>That's<em> why it was so ironic!" Hermione sighed, for the past 10 minutes she had been trying to explain a TV show to him and he _now_ got it! Some things never change.

* * *

><p><em><strong>What did you think? REVIEWS=UPDATES! Please review and favorite subscribe (I've always wanted to say that.)**_

_**Your author,**_

_** Harri. Potter  
><strong>_


	5. AVPM Act 1 scene 5 'Diffrent'

"Mornin'!" Harry said as the last person walked into the room.

"Yeah, yeah." Severus moaned as he sat beside Sirius, ignoring his smirk. He really wasn't a morning person. Is that OK with _you!_

"Want some food, Fred? Severus?" Arthur asked, not noticing George shaking his head no violently.

Fred got up and ran to the bath room; sounds of vomiting could be heard.

"_Dad!_" George moaned and ran after his lover.

"S'ok. S'ok Freddie."

"Shut the _FUCK_ up George!" Fred screamed, Molly came racing in and pushed George out.

"What's wrong with Fred?" Ginny asked. Harry smirked at her.

"Haven't you noticed?" Everyone looked at him. "I'll let Fred and George tell you, hey George isn't Fred supposed to be glowing?"

"Piss off Harry!" George moaned.

Fred and Molly walked back in, Molly looking pointedly toward Fred and George.

"Umm…" Fred started.

"We think-"

"_Know_"

"We know" George corrected, shrinking under Fred's gaze. "That this will be amazing for us all-"

"And we wanted to tell you but-"

"Fred was sc-OW" Fred hit George hard…twice. "Ouch! I mean _we_ were scared."

"So here it is, Georgie and I have been dating for 3 years-"

"And now I got Fred knocked-" Fred kicked him… hard. "_OW!_ Geesh man! I mean, we were blessed with the gift of life and-"

"I'm engaged and pregnant!" Fred squealed. All the girls rushed over to touch the stomach and see the rock (Severus did also) while the men smirked at George making whip like motions with there arms.

"Whipped!"

"Can we please watch the clip?"

**(Enter Quirrel)**

**QUIRREL: Fools! They're all fools! They think they're safe. **

Cho giggled. Ron looked at her funny. "He looks funny." She giggled and Ron just shook his head.

**They think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know of the danger that's lurking right under their noses, or should I say, On the back of their heads! (Turns around and pulls turban off)**

Everyone laughed at this, "O my god!"

**VOLDY: Arghh! (Starts to cough) ugh, ugh, ugh ugh ugh! (Quirrel bends over) Erugh! Ough! I can't breathe in that damn turban!**

"Voldemorts kinda cute." Severus and Ginny gushed. When they saw everyone staring at them Severus flushed while Ginny shrugged.

"He _is!_" Everyone laughed while Sirius glanced at Severus, maybe if he gelled back his hair…

**QUIRREL: I'm sorry my Lord, its a necessary precaution. For if they knew that you lived, that when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on...**

"Then everyone would be mad! Yaddah, yaddah yaddah! I don't care!" Harry sighed.

**VOLDY: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the forbidden forest, eating bugs, and mushrooms, and ugh, Unicorn blood. **

"Ewww… I remember seeing him…" Harry shivered.

**QUIRREL: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.**

**VOLDY: Yes, Nobody must know any of that. **

"We do!" Remus sighed. "Have for many, many years."

**Now, Quirrel, get me some water. (Quirrel bends over and gets water.) Now Quirrel, pour it in my mouth. (Unscrews it and starts to pour backwards into Voldy's mouth). **

"I love this bloody musical!" Remus and Sirius laughed, while everyone else shook their heads.

"What!"

"Wait till they do you're character." Harry sighed. Hermione and Ron exchanged a look.

**QUIRREL: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.**

Everyone looked at Severus. "What!" He asked, leaning against Sirius slightly.

"Do you guys call him 'liege'?" Sirius asked.

"No, Mostly Dark lord, My lord, and sometimes my king." Severus said.

"My Lord!" Sirius said, mimicking being scared of someone, Severus hit him hard enough to leave a large bruise.

**VOLDY: Yes, yes, I'm done with the water. **

**(Quirrel bends back over to put water down.) We must not have any more foul ups like tonight in the great hall.**

"You sneezed!" Tonks said.

**QUIRREL: I'm sorry My Lord, you sneezed.**

She blinked at the screen.

**VOLDY: I know that! Get me some lazonex, you swine! **

"Lazonex?" Ron questioned.

"Muggle product for colds." Hermione said, hoping no-one noticed when she held his hand. Everyone did though.

**(Quirrel bends to get it and puffs it into Voldy's nose and then his own :P) Wash that turban, it tickles my nose.**

**QUIRREL: Yes my Dark King.**

"Did you leave one out Sev?" Sirius teased, but Severus blushed. "OhMyMerlin!" Sirius said.

"Voldemort is living on his head, can't he call him by that?" Draco asked.

**VOLDY: Okay, just relax with the Dark King, okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort we're there. We've reached that point.**

"Wow you're a lot like the actor." Ron teased.

"I am most certainly not!" Draco huffed.

**QUIRREL: Yes, my- Voldemort.**

**VOLDY: Now Quirrel, get us ready for bed. We must be well (bends over) rested if we wish to kill Potter.**

"On that tiny thing!" Hermione sighed.

**Tonight in the great hall, he was so close! We could have touched him.**

"That sounds so wrong!" Hannah giggled. Neville laughed with her and put a hand on her knee, making them blush. He left it there.

**(Quirrels put mouthwash in his mouth) Revenge is at my fingertips Quirrel, I can taste it! It tastes like cool mint.**

"Your mouth wash, dumb ass!"

"George! Language around Nicole!" Fred scowled his Fiancé, putting his hands on his stomach.

"Yes dear." George sighed but smiled at his fiancée, he had always loved Fred.

"Umm…. Nicole?" Harry asked.

"Oh! If-Ow!- _when_ we have a daughter it-" George started.

"_SHE_!"

"_She_ will be named Nicole Anne Weasley, and _if_ we have a boy he will be named Conner Billius Weasley. After Mum's dad and Ron, of course."

**QUIRREL: That's our Listerine Voldemort.**

"HA!"

**VOLDY: Yes, excellent. Well, um, goodnight Quirrel.**

**QUIRREL: (Turns so that Quirrels back is facing the bed) Goodnight. (Leans back slowly and Voldy's head goes straight into the pillow. Stays there for about five seconds)**

"Wow…."

**VOLDY: Okay okay, I can't do this! You got to roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.**

**QUIRREL: I always sleep on my back, I have back problems, It's the only way I'm comfortable.**

**VOLDY: You roll over RIGHT NOW!**

"Pushy!"

**Or I'll- I'll eat your pillow!**

"Wow," Hermione and Dumbledore said, then all laughed so hard they cried. They. Have. No. life.

"What a weird threat." Moody scoffed.

**You'll be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow and you'll wake up and find your favorite goose feathered pillow will be missing.**

"I love marshmallow's!" Ron said, only to be swallowed in a mountain of marshmallows. Everyone found this _very_ amusing.

**QUIRREL: Fine, we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side.**

**VOLDY: Okay, I guess I can do this. **

**QUIRREL: Now goodnight.**

**VOLDY: Goodnight Quirrel. (Voldy's eyes are open and is staring at the robes on the chair next to the bed. Keeps looking for around fifteen seconds.) Hey Quirrel. How long have those robes been on that chair?**

"O my Merlin! Like a married couple." Fred laughed; George decided not to tell him that he was the same way sometimes.

"I know it's-"Harry started.

"Very disturbing." Ginny finished. Everyone stared at them.

"What?"

**QUIRREL: I think they're from last night, I just put them there for now. **

**VOLDY: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan with these? **

"Is he all about plans?" Harry asked. Hermione and Ron shrugged, and then they all looked at Severus.

"Yes.. he is…" Sirius chuckled at Sev's discomfort 'till he was hit hardly..again.

**QUIRREL: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and put them away in the morning okay?**

**VOLDY: No! No, no that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing that there is dirty clothes on the chair, the chair is going to start to smell like dirty clothes!**

"It will!" Molly nodded, not realizing she was agreeing with a evil 'lord'.

**QUIRREL: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning.**

"That reminds me of you and Fleur!" Charlie said to Bill, who was crossing and un-crossing the arms.

"'Ow so?" Fleur asked.

"Well, he always says he will put stuff up and…" Bill hit Charlie, but not before Fleur said "Well maybe he'll appreciate my cleaning more if he sleeps on the _couch._"

**VOLDY: You put them away, RIGHT NOW! I COMAND YOU to just, fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile. (They both sit up)**

**QUIRREL: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while, we're going to have to learn to live with each other. Now, I've been single all my life **

"Oh! My! Merlin!" Hermione wheezed.

**And I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around.**

**VOLDY: Well, I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place and so do your clothes! Namely, a dresser!**

Cho giggled. Ron stared at her again. "What!" She demanded.

"Nothing!"

**QUIRREL: Well, aren't we an odd couple! (Starts to sing and stands up) You won't sleep on your tummy,**

**VOLDY: You won't sleep on your back.**

"Aren't those the same things?" Ron and Harry asked.

**QUIRREL+VOLDY: We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree.**

"They admit it!" Harry screamed.

"Harry, Honey, Please keep your voice down." Hermione groaned, she's really not a morning person. You got a problem with that! Huh!

"Sorry."

**QUIRREL: We share some hands and fingers,**

**VOLDY: And yet the feeling lingers.**

**QUIRREL+VOLDY: We're just about as different, as anyone can be!**

**VOLDY: You like plotting a garden, and I like plotting to kill! **

"Wow!" and "There so perfect!" Rang through the room. Remus and Sirius smiled at each other, Making Tonks and Severus frown.

**QUIRREL: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill! Sipping tea by the fire is swell-**

Hermione nodded dreamily "Especially with coco.."

**VOLDY: Pushing people in is fun as well.**

"Eek, disturbing much?" Tonks asked.

"He has issues, man." Dean said, shivering.

"I know." Seamus and everyone else muttered.

**I like folding all my ties.**

"really?"

**QUIRREL: And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise!**

"O my Merlin!" Dumbledore wheezed, everyone was laughing.

**QUIRREL+VOLDY: I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me! We're different, different, different as can be.**

**VOLDY: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords.**

"He's a sissy, a girl, and _you_ fret over messes, and fold your own clothes?"

**QUIRREL: I'm the smartest professor here, I've won several awards!**

"_Excuse me_!" All the Professors yelled.

**VOLDY: My new worlds about to unfold,**

**QUIRREL: You got beat by a two year old.**

Everyone laughed at that.

"I love this Quirrel, Hey George remember when we-"

"Made snowballs bounce off the back of his head? Yeah I do!" That got everyone laughing again.

**VOLDY: I'll kill him this time through and through,**

**QUIRREL: Or you might just give him another tattoo.**

"It's a scar, not a tattoo!" Ron said.

"Ron, sweetie?" Hermione said.

"Yeah?"

"A Tattoo _is_ a scar." Ron blushed while everyone snickered.

**QUIRREL+VOLDY: You really must agree, when you look at you and me! We're different, different, different as can-**

**VOLDY: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world!**

"See how well that's working out?" Harry moaned.

**But you must help me renew! For when our plans succeed-**

**QUIRREL: Prevails!**

"Same thing!" Harry and Ginny stated.

**VOLDY: Part of that world goes to you.**

"If only we weren't there, and if Quirrel didn't die, of course." The trio mused.

**QUIRREL: When I rule the world I plant flowers!**

**VOLDY: When I rule the world I'll have Snakes!**

Harry whispered something in parseltongue to Ginny, making her shiver.

**VOLDY: And goblins and werewolves a fleet of Dementors and giants and thestrals and all my death eaters!**

"That's a lot!" Ginny said when Harry and Luna yelled. "Thestral King/Queen!" And tackled each other, laughing.

"Wha!" Ginny and Draco said while everyone giggled.

"Nuthin!" Luna and Harry scrambled up, blushing.

"Nargels have taken over our common sense." Harry said nodded. Everyone stared at them. "What I'm serious-"

"No _He's_ Sirius!" Severus said, pointing to Sirius than they both laughed.

**QUIRREL+VOLDY: When I rule the world! (Both start to laugh like ani-meniacs)**

"wow"

"Well, that's the clip." Fred stated.

"Let's watch the next one!" Sirius and Severus screamed.

* * *

><p><strong>Hoped it didn't suck to much! lol! Once again i leave you!<strong>

**Harri. Potter  
><strong>


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